Taking Control (The Control Duet Book 2) Read online

  Chapter Eight

  Breaking ground

  My weekends consist of doing absolutely nothing.

  Michael likes us to stay in, so that is what we do. He even has the grocery shopping delivered, just so we don’t have to go out.

  It has now been three weeks since I saw Cal on that soul-destroying night where I told him that I wasn’t going with him. I miss him so much, and the urge to see him is gnawing away at me. Before, when he was travelling, I guess missing him wasn’t as intense because he wasn’t here. But knowing that he is across town, in his house, carrying on with everyday life whilst I have to try and put one foot in front of the other without him, fucking sucks.

  “Hey, Michael,” I start. “I want to go and see Kim.”

  Michael freezes as he stirs the sauce that he is making to go with some chicken dish that he is trying out.

  “Why would you want to do that? She doesn’t want anything to do with you from what I see.” His eyes are now fully focused on me, dark and dangerous looking.

  “That’s because I haven’t bothered with her for weeks, I’m not surprised that she is pissed off with me.” I act casual, like this isn’t a big deal. But it absolutely is. “Plus, it makes things awkward at work.”

  “You’re not even working in the same room as her, Lucy, so that isn’t even a problem.” He is so ready to bat me down at every turn, but I’m not giving up that easily.

  “True, but eventually our project will be complete, and then we’ll go back to our normal daily workload. I just… I worry about what she might be saying to other people.” I’m pulling out the big guns now. If Michael thinks that other people might start to notice something, then he is more likely to back the fuck down and give me some much-needed breathing room without even realising that he’s doing it.

  “Tell them what?” he asks suspiciously, the sauce now completely forgotten and left to burn.

  “That’s just it, I have no idea. She could be telling them anything, and I have no clue about it. I don’t want people to think badly of us, Michael. We’re in the dark about what is being said.”

  I need a fucking Oscar, I really do.

  He seems to consider my argument, weighing up what I have just said to him.

  I hold my breath and pray that he says seeing Kim is a good idea. If I pull this off, then it’s a huge step forward.

  “But she has no reason to say anything, unless you have told her things you shouldn’t have.” He narrows his eyes and creeps forwards slowly, intimidatingly.

  I gulp from the fear that immediately pulses through me, but I push on with my answer.

  “Michael, I haven’t told her anything. How could I? I haven’t spoken to her properly for the last three weeks, and that is the exact point that I am making. Kim and I have always been close, and now we don’t even speak. People will start to question it, if they haven’t done so already.” I’m pushing the boundaries here, but I’ve never fought like this before. I’ve always just cowered and then begged him not to hurt me.

  He considers what I am saying.

  A few minutes tick by.

  Tension mounts.

  My heart feels like it’s in my throat.

  And just when I think that I have failed, he says, “Good point.”

  I breathe out slowly as I try not to show the smile that wants to break free.

  “You can go for lunch with her tomorrow, that should be enough to pacify her for a while.”

  “Whatever you think is best,” I reply, trying to hide my delight at having taken control of that conversation without him even realising it.

  Michael returns to the cooking and tries to save the now-burnt sauce.

  Now all I have to do is convince Kim to have lunch with me tomorrow, and then I can tell her all about my plan.

  Chapter Nine

  Unexpected interruptions

  I convinced Kim to have lunch.

  Now we’re sat in a quiet café with our sandwiches on the table, untouched. I am way too nervous to eat, and I suspect that Kim feels the same. My stomach churns as I try to find the correct words to begin the conversation that I need to have with her.

  I have been scanning the front door every few seconds, making sure that Michael isn’t going to appear. I wouldn’t put it past him, but so far there’s no sign of him.

  “So, what’s this about, Lucy?” Kim asks, her whole demeanour defensive. She doesn’t look like she wants to be here at all, and it leaves me with a sinking feeling that this is what has become of our friendship.

  “I just… I just want to explain things to you.” I try to sound confident, but I can’t mask my nerves in front of Kim.

  “You mean, you want to explain how you chose Michael, went back to him and dropped me and Cal without a second thought?” Her eyes harden as she speaks and I realise just how much I have hurt her.

  “I didn’t drop either of you guys, I would never want to lose you or Cal––”

  “Really?” Kim says cutting me off. “Well, then you seriously need to think about how your actions look to us, Lucy. We tried to help you, Cal even came to get you. You had every opportunity to leave Michael, but you didn’t. You chose to stay with him, and that is what hurts, Lucy. All of those months I watched you suffer at his hands. All of those times he belittled you and made you feel worthless. Hell, he’s still doing it now, and I can’t watch him do that to you. I can’t watch as you continue to become a shell of your former self.”

  Her words bring tears to my eyes.

  I thought that I was doing the right thing by trying to get out of this relationship on my own, but in this moment, I doubt myself. I doubt my decisions, and I doubt whether I can actually do this without knowing that Kim is going to be there at the end of it.

  “Kim, please, there are reasons for me doing this,” I say, trying to reaffirm to myself as well as her that I have chosen the correct path.

  “Well, go on then, enlighten me because I sure as hell don’t understand why you are still with him.”

  “Didn’t you read my letter?”

  “Of course I did, but an apology in a letter isn’t going to cut it, Lucy. I need to understand, I want to understand, and ultimately, I just want my best friend back.”

  I take a deep breath, I’m ready to lay it all out, tell her the truth, relieve myself of the weight if it all, when I hear the door to the café open and my eyes connect with Michael’s.

  He’s smiling at me, but I can’t smile back.

  Kim has her back to the door, so she is unaware that the devil has just walked in. That is until he is stood beside our table.

  “Ladies,” he greets us and bends down, placing a kiss on the top of my head. “Enjoying your lunch?” He’s got his nice guy act on. Trouble is, he’s trying to fool the wrong people.

  “We were,” Kim replies as she stares daggers at him.

  “Oh, come on, Kim, can’t we just be friends now that you two are sorting things out?” he says, trying to keep his tone light. Kim looks at him with pure disgust before picking up her bag and vacating her seat.

  “It was nice talking to you, Lucy,” she says before adding, “But I’m not sure that our friendship can be salvaged at this point in time.” And with that, she turns away and leaves the café, the sound of the door shutting behind her seeming to echo all around me.

  Sadness and disappointment grip me.

  I was so close to telling her, so close to trying to mend our broken friendship, but he had to ruin it.

  He made sure that I didn’t have enough time to tell her shit.

  He played me.

  He made me think that I had a slither of control over this meeting today.

  And now he’s snatched it away from me.

  He only allowed me enough time to sever my ties a little bit more.

  The smirk on his face tells me that he knows what he is doing.

  I feel like I take one step forward, and then three steps back.

  I should have taken my chance
s and gone with Cal on that awful night, but Michael’s threats of going after my friends has kept me in the petrified state that I have become accustomed to. I couldn’t live with myself if he hurt Cal, Kim or Jeremy. I won’t allow them to become victims like I have.

  But there is that little part of my brain that continues to whisper, “What if?”

  What if I had believed that, in time, Michael would have left me alone?

  What if I had trusted that Cal would have protected me, fought for me, loved me enough to save me?

  What if, what if, what if.

  Instead I push the what ifs to one side, leaving me facing a bleak future with no way out.

  Chapter Ten

  Never-ending cycle

  I am sick of my own thoughts.

  I hate how pathetic I have become.

  Fucking broken.

  I despise how weak I am.

  The person I once was is a ghost that haunts me.

  My self-respect has all but crumbled away.

  Trapped.

  Alone.

  Confused.

  Unsure.

  All of these things combined make everything harder to process.

  My plans to escape are becoming more clouded.

  My judgement becoming fogged.

  I see no way out.

  There is no light at the end of my tunnel.

  As his fist connects with my side, I bite down hard on my lip to mask the cry of pain.

  This is my punishment for trying to outwit him, he says.

  This is what I deserve for trying to get Kim back in my life, he says.

  When will I learn that I only need him, he shouts.

  Another punch, a stifled yelp.

  And another.

  That’s three, but this could go on for a while.

  I close my eyes and my legs give way.

  I tumble to the floor and curl up into a ball, covering my head with my hands.

  I envision life without Michael.

  I think of a world where I don’t have to hear him threaten to hurt my friends.

  I dream of life with Cal, my saviour who I pushed away.

  I continue to let Michael rain down blows on my body. I couldn’t fight him now even if I tried.

  My fight is diminishing with every second that passes.

  My hope dying with every breath.

  My sanity threatening to crack and leave me in constant darkness.

  My heart shattered beyond repair.

  The woman I used to be, lost to this violent monster.

  I am fucking broken.

  Chapter Eleven

  Hidden bruises

  I move slowly, my aching body silently screaming in pain. Yesterday’s lesson-to-be-learned seemed to go on forever. The only parts of my body left untouched are my face and my arms. No bruises visible for others to potentially see. No bruises on show for questions to be asked.

  It takes me an age to get ready for work, but I battle on. It takes me longer than usual to walk to the office, but I continue to put one foot in front of the other.

  Michael says nothing. He just waits patiently for me to catch up to him every now and then. He is trying to show remorse for his actions, but it has no effect on me.

  I don’t want to hear how sorry he is, how he didn’t mean it or how much he loves me. I don’t care about why he feels the need to teach me his so-called lessons on how I should conduct myself or how I should stop embarrassing him.

  Right now, as of this moment, I’m done trying to get away.

  Giving up seems like my only option.

  He’s always one step ahead of me, watching my moves, feeling me out.

  He will never let me walk away, run, hide, whatever the fuck I might try and do, he would always be there, taunting, watching, chasing.

  All I can do is try and behave myself, watch my step, and count down the hours, minutes and seconds until Michael goes too far and eventually kills me. Because he will. I have no doubt.

  And I’m too scared to do anything about it.

  Too broken, too weak, too beaten and too cowardly.

  Michael is right, I am a fucking useless excuse for a woman. I am pathetic and stupid. Unlovable he said, but not to him. I’m starting to think that maybe he has a point. I’ve made horrendous choices, and this is my punishment, my sentence, my curse.

  I arrive at work, climb the steps to the project room, wince as I sit down, breathe, move, it all hurts, and I bury myself in paperwork. I don’t make conversation, I keep my eyes down, my head bowed.

  I finally do as I’m fucking told.

  I can feel the tension coming from Tyler, but I can’t bring myself to try and ease his discomfort.

  I feel Michael’s eyes glance at me every now and then, but I refuse to acknowledge him. I’m sure that will be wrong later, but I am in too much pain to care.

  He’s won.

  I’ve lost.

  This is what he wanted.

  This is the life that I chose.

  There is no redo button for me.

  If I could turn the clock back, rewind time, change my choices, then I absolutely would. I would never have gone on a date with him if I had known the evil that was waiting for me. What Tom did to me is nothing compared to what I am experiencing now. The hurt I felt from Tom’s betrayal with Carly is laughable. Yes, when he slept with her, it hurt, more so because she was my friend, but after suffering at the hands of Michael, I know what real hurt is. I know what self-destruction looks like, and I’m living it, one day at a time.

  Maybe I do deserve this, just like Michael said I did.

  I just need to behave, be better.

  It’s all my fault. I can’t fight something that I caused. I made him angry, I made him doubt, and I’m learning the hard way.

  My head is a mess, but I have no inclination to untangle the thoughts that race through my mind. I couldn’t answer the questions anyway.

  We break for lunch at one o’clock.

  I’m not hungry, so I make myself a cup of coffee from the machine in the corner of the room.

  Tyler left as soon as he could, clearly wanting to escape the awful atmosphere. Can’t say that I blame him. If I were him, I would have done the same thing.

  Michael left to go and get some lunch at the deli across the road. I don’t think he will rush back, he has no need to. He sees that I am done fighting him. He has no need to worry anymore about me leaving him.

  I sit in silence, sipping my drink.

  I blankly stare at the wall opposite, noticing a few dirty marks here and there. They become my focus for the next ten minutes, holding my attention. It’s better to focus on that than to keep replaying my life like a goddamn film. It’s better than berating myself, which I seem to do nonstop.

  The door to the project room opens, but I don’t turn around to see who has entered. I still focus on the marks on the wall, until a voice breaks the silence and sparks a flutter of hope within me.

  “Lucy.”

  I turn slowly, afraid that a part of me is dreaming. I take in his face. He looks tired, worn-out, probably much the same as I look, to be honest. His brows are furrowed, concern etched onto every part of his face.

  “Cal?” I whisper after a few minutes have ticked by. He nods his head at me and I allow myself to smile. It’s the first time that I have smiled in days, weeks even. “What are you doing here?”

  He doesn’t answer. Instead, he moves towards me, spins my chair around so that I am facing him, and he pulls me towards him, his arms going around me, encasing me with his warmth. It doesn’t matter that my whole body is aching with pain from his touch. All that matters is that he is here, holding me, warming me from the inside out.

  My heart is racing, and I am afraid that if I blink then he will disappear. His touch is familiar, comforting, wanted. I breathe in his scent, burying my face in his neck.

  “Am I hallucinating?” I say, needing confirmation that I haven’t totally lost my mind.

  “No,
babe, I’m here,” he replies, and I allow the first few tears to fall down my cheeks.

  “Why?” I have to ask. I need to know why he has shown up out of the blue.

  He pulls his head back so that he can look at me. His hands move to my cheeks to wipe the tears away, even though he won’t eradicate them due to the steady stream that is falling from my eyes.

  “I got your letter.”

  “Oh.” I was unsure whether Kim would have actually given it to him or not, but obviously she came through for me.

  “You’re not alone, Lucy. I’m always here for you, and we’re going to get you out of this mess.”

  “No, Cal, I don’t want you involved.” And I’m still playing that fucking tune, not wanting him to become embroiled in the battle of my life.

  “Tough,” he replies, his tone firm. “Lucy, you can’t do this on your own, and you need to stop thinking that you’re protecting me by pushing me away. I want to do this, I want to see you walk free from his hold, and I want to be stood beside you when the bastard gets his comeuppance. If I had known, I mean really known, what you were going through, I would have been more prepared, more urgent, fought harder.”

  “I couldn’t tell you the truth, not with Michael stood there,” I say, recalling my silence from that night.

  “I know that now, and I know that you’re going to need me to get through this.” His eyes are so kind, full of love as he speaks. Cal hasn’t abandoned me, he’s still here, and he’s going into battle with me.

  “We don’t have much time and Kim is keeping watch in case Michael comes back.”

  “What?” I whisper. Kim’s helping, she hasn’t abandoned me either?

  “I’m not able to go into much detail right now, but ultimately, the only way to get him out of your life is to report him to the police.”

  “No,” I say, standing up too quickly and letting out a whimper as shooting pains travel up and down my body. Cal’s jaw tenses as he watches my discomfort.